How Did I End Up Here?

This is a short post as I wrote a very long list for myself today and I am tired. It's too personal to share, however much I think it would help me to have it in writing, publicly.

Based on the recommendations of Andy Frisella, MFCEO of 1st Phorm, I wrote out my ideal life. Not surprisingly, my ideal life is around 35 when I've accomplished what little I think is a huge feat at this point in my life. But that's still a lot of time to achieve more.

Mostly because I listen to haters. Lol. Haters. I hate the word haters as much as I hate lol and yolo yet use them on a daily basis. #illiterate #betteradjectives

I digress.

I have spent my entire life in a paradox of confusion wherein I firmly believe that if I work hard, I can achieve anything (because my daddy told me so). At this point in my life, I truly believe that I can achieve half of wildest dreams, and it is entirely due to the fact that I made drastic changes in my diet, lifestyle, and support circle and found myself creating my ideal self.

I cried when I hit 150 pounds. Literal tears of joy and wonder because I never thought I would EVER see the day.

So when I hit 145 it was a mad competition to succeed. Desperate, I hit 128 last March very, very, inflexible and very, very, unhappy. Although I wouldn't have admitted that to myself much you at the time.

Now, sitting around 140, I am unhappy that I "feel like" I cannot control my diet, but in truth, my priorities shifted and now I get an amazing thrill from lifting 225 on my back and 235 from my back. I get this ridiculous high from seeing veins and growth than I ever did seeing striations.

Of course I'll go back. I'm bound to the lifestyle now. I want to be connected to the industry so I've stopped watching the people in Australia because they cut when we bulk and bulk when we shred. It was torture.

So back up. I said this would be short.

In truth, I always downplayed what I wanted out of life because I thought it was selfish and unruly.  I thought if I said I wanted to be famous, sell autobiographies, never worry about money, travel whenever wherever, that I would fail awfully.

But if you don't wish for it, visualize it, and work for it, it will never happen.

If I don't win, I won't be a public speaker.

If I don't become a public speaker, I can't help you achieve your goals.

And I already decided, definitively, that I am here to serve you in your search for self-love.

So I cannot fail. I cannot back down. Regardless of how long it takes, the hours I sacrifice, or the sleep I lose, I must make you believe that you can do whatever you set your mind to do. By doing the same thing myself.

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