Counting Macros

Somebody asked how I track macros and I thought I would share my journey. Obviously, things have changed and it's easier today than when I started. That's normal. Keep pushing. Keep learning. This is for you and your happiness. Never forget. :) 

Now I track as I go. 

But I used to just sit w MyFitnessPal and put in what I thought and look at the macros until they lined up how I wanted. So I would put in 100 g of rice, and my daily carbs would be too high if I also wanted a quest bar. So I would decrease until I could fit the quest bar in. Then I would meal prep and weigh out that many grams of rice. 

And I would be so disciplined. I would figure out when I could eat and when I would eat what and set a timer if i thought I would want to eat too early or forget bc I was working - I would say eggs in the morning around 7, lunch hopefully at 11 w salmon and rice, then I’ll be going home (1500ish) so I need a bar so I’ll eat the quest bar, I want the max carbs after working out so i …


My trainer told me he knew CPR and I shouldn't worry.


I cringed, I need to get to work today! There are other things at stake, I thought.


Forget work, he said.

Leave it all out on the floor, right now, in this moment.

Ironically I had a message waiting from the night before. I had gone to yoga and stayed up til 2200 even though I knew my alarm clock would go off at 0435 in time to run a mile before the plyo with him before 4 hours of OT at work.

I did this to myself. I ask for no pity party (although I'll through one the minute you offer).

I want this. I want to be fit. I want to be functional. I want to be muscular. I want to embody the perfect human being as I see her.

So I allow myself to push. I push and pull and cry and swear and tear.

In doing so, I never fail.

Ironically I waited until after I trained to read the message. Short and simple: I want to look like you.

It's humbling. I don't even want to look like me. I feel much better now after a month …

Meal Prep R Us - Current State

Meal Prep
Recently I was asked for meal prep advice. Unfortunately, this will be a short essay as I am trying to write multiple essays and have zero confidence in the school ones. If you have any specific questions, please please please email me or comment so I can address them one-on-one.
Meal prepping has helped me successfully challenge the notion that 24 hours in a day is not enough to work full time, go to school part time, take prn or part time jobs, work out, and live and sleep somewhat. I do not advocate my schedule for anyone who dislikes stress or loves sleep. I am always anxious and I never sleep. It’s how I like it. It’s how I function. But I am very aware that this life is not for everyone.
Typically I meal prep for 4 days because of my work schedule. That means I try to prep Thursday to be ready to go Friday-Monday. Sometimes it doesn’t work out, sometimes I have to skip things on Saturday to make sure I have food Sunday, but a majority of the time, I stick to my guns. …

Do You Love Yourself?

One thing people are always surprised to learn is that I train after work. Or before work. Or before trips. Or before dinners. I don’t really care what I have to look like before or after. Since I stopped drinking, the worry of others’ acceptance of my lifestyle has changed drastically. Now I care about how I feel. And while I sometimes care a lot about my hair, make up, and potential smell, I mostly care about my mental capacity. I am not arguing for killing yourself, just yesterday I prioritized meal prep and sleep over the gym. But I am arguing for knowing yourself and giving your mind and body what they need. A majority of the time, you don’t need x, y, and z, you only want it. And when you get it, how do you feel afterwards?
This is a practice on mindfulness and self-awareness. I am sad that I did not work out, and I know yoga tonight and my trainer tomorrow might absolutely kill me. But I also know that if I did not get the right food and a little more sleep, I would not even sho…


I believe that we cannot know everything, yet. Human evolution is working towards building our minds, bodies, and environments to support understanding the universe, as weak as we understand the concept currently. I wonder if we should know everything, or if the constant search for knowledge is a circuit – that we feel purposeless without the pursuit so we created more to learn to continue to pursue?


When I started training with the third personal trainer in my life, it was the first time someone said he saw the passion in me and believed that I could look like Ronda Rousey. My first trainer never built the trust that I could, and perhaps it was because she did not know me before I started training. My second trainer never pushed me, and perhaps it was because I did not have the correct goal.
When I started training and literally threw away any and all excuses, I was 175 pounds. I ate next to nothing, but made up for the calories in alcohol. I knew exactly what I wanted to achieve and I had watched this trainer as much as he said he watched me. When we entered into that contract, there were 3 rules: come with intensity, listen to his nutritionist, no alcohol for 3 months. 
To be honest, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do (besides the work outs that followed, but short-term physical pain has always been easier to deal with than long-term, solo, mental struggles). I will put…

Preventative Healthcare

What the Health is a new documentary that speaks on diabetes and the American diet.

Well, did we really need this?

If I told you "eat a Twinkie a day," you would probably think to yourself, how long will it take me to develop some sort of physical (I would also argue mental) health issue?

You are smart. You are good. But sometimes the market and advertising can sway what you know to be true. Isn't that interesting? Advertising works?

You must be smarter than the TV.

It's much easier to avoid processed food, fast food restaurants, sugary candy --- when you don't ever see it.

I know, it's impossible for most people to get away from the escapism that TV allows. It's hard for me to get away from the advertisements popping up in my email, my instagram, on my facebook stream.

It's hard. But you need to be smarter.

If you're not hungry, you're not hungry.

If you are hungry, love yourself and take pride in your body. Give it nutrition that will help y…