Headlights and Compassion

I was precepted in the OR as a circulator and a scrub for nine months. It was pretty grueling as far as training goes, every day was a new person, new surgery, new growth. As far as life goes, it was nice. Monday-Friday, 7/3, I learned how to meal prep and work out after work.
The training was separated by the surgery service, and I spent a few weeks in other services before heading to urology. Excited or not for the service, I was excited for the bigger cases I would see that day. I love cases where you’re elbow deep in guts.
I digress. By the time the patient was prepped and the surgeons were scrubbing in, I was exhausted. I couldn’t wait to sit down and chart, I could barely remember what we had to in order to chart!
When the surgeons came in, hands dripping and elbows swaying, one younger one sighed. We looked up, I didn’t know what was wrong. My heart dropped, worried that something was wrong with the patient.
He sighed, looked down, and asked for a headlight.
Now, I was confuse…

I just wanted to be me

I spent the day with paid OR leaders. It was interesting, they wanted to advocate for the youth without providing us the necessary tools – give us something we can afford, on a day we can go, and tell us we can bring change back.
That’s what I thought at least, 3 years ago when I started going to every single event AORN put on. The second I realized they wouldn’t kick me out of the Leadership Seminar just because I was only a staff nurse, I was in there like white on rice.
No joke. Sitting next to a CNO or a VP in a room filled with doctorates?
It makes you step your game up.
I hope forever more, I am always the weakest link.
Because that means I have something else to strive for, to become, to be better.
So while if you know me, you know I’m itching with anticipation and I cannot wait to be “done,” I am 100% fully cognitively aware that the second that I’m “done” I will find another pursuit.
I’ve already done it a thousand times.
I got comfortable at my job and went for my Master’s.…

For Them

Be present.
There are so many reasons to lose the multitasking ways you thought were getting you ahead.
The biggest reason is the unhappiness that comes from being elsewhere.
I realize, as the die-hard lover of all things MULTI that this might sound like an insult. A hypocrite telling you what to do while not practicing the motions herself.
I am trying.
I find that once I lose myself to the room and gain more connections with others, a lot of negative emotions lose hold. And I’m free. And in the moments that follow, I am more happy to attend to those things that I was putting aside.
Case one: I check emails during cases when the work is done, but the surgery is still going. I see that a peer has emailed back revisions.
I scroll by. The next moment, the phone rings about another patient waiting for a prescription to go home.
That is definitely more important. And I am not worried about my emails and things I cannot change in this moment. Things that certainly require my undivided atte…

The Calm Down

The come down, the calm up, the meditation zone.
Today was my first real day off. I started at 0430, jumping on the scale. I’ve got a new scale now, that aligns with my goal of being physically fit. It tracks my body fat percentage, not just my weight.
This may seem silly, and truth be told, I couldn’t care less about the number. But the number is objective and steadfast. Whatever I feel about my physical appearance, the scale will give me a number to associate with.
I need that. It’s been almost 2 years since I had someone tracking me consistently. I held onto the 10 pounds I gained on vacation for a year, but when I started my PhD program self efficacy ran out the door. I needed to stay awake and burn daylight. I needed to work. I worked so hard.
I went backwards.
So now I have a scale and an account-a-buddy. She does much more than hold me accountable, but that’s what I really need her for. She tracks my weight and my macros and will make changes as the weeks go on. I’m excited. I…

AORN Expo Recap

To my Dallas AORN Chapter Peers:
This week has gone by so fast. I knew I would be this happy, before and after. But it always amazes me when I come back home and I feel even more passionate about perioperative nursing and AORN. I’m obsessed with making nursing as good as it can possibly be, making myself my best in the process.

As your representative Forty Under 40, the AORN CEO offered us upgraded admission to the Executive Leadership Summit. I was very excited and honored to be offered this opportunity. I had hovered over the button for 20 minutes when I registered a couple weeks earlier- could I afford the upgrade? Something so hugely valuable to my practice, career, and goals was surely worth the price.

I couldn’t make myself. But somehow Linda Groah (AORN CEO) and AORN knew what I needed before I asked, and they handed me the hemostat not the tonsil. They continuously prove how willing they are to listen to all members; how dedicated they are to the future and those they perceive…

How I Got Started

How I got started:
I started. I asked for help and I received guidance. Never take for granted those who are willing to allow you to kickoff their success.
When I got into perioperative nursing, I went directly into the AORN organization because I was conditioned in school that it was my duty. I took her, Mrs. McMenamy, seriously. I’ve never regretted that decision.
The first meeting I went to I was treated like a princess. They asked me for help and I worked hard and ended up in Anaheim in DisneyLand on the National Awards Committee.
I kept grinding. I kept working. There was always something new to learn, to do, to help.
But it wasn’t enough for me to rise. I wanted everyone there with me. I wanted to see the sunshine with everyone who has supported me. I wanted to taste that success, but it would mean nothing without my backbone support group.
If I ask you to look inside, it’s because I know the struggle of focusing on the outside.
If I ask you to ask for help, it’s because I …

Personal Poetry Post

I warned you first.

I am so grateful! Wtf I cannot even. The momentum that life is and has and could be when you are grateful.

He protects me and himself. He is sweet beyond measure. He rescues animals. He goes to the gym even when he’s tired. He gets woke when he goes to the gym.

He thought of me in his business and still asked for my preference. He is in the process of bettering himself and developing/creating the person he wants to be. He wants to get back to his best body and he will, he will be better than that. He gets stressed out but doesn't get angry. Maybe he’ll slam a door. I know I’ll do worse.

He holds me and looks at me like I’m new and different every time. Not that I don’t also look at him that way, but I’ve never heard someone talk about me in a way that I think. He is perfect bc he is flawed. His flaws are so minute and nothing against him. Just me looking for perfection when he is literally it. He wanted a brother and he’s not religious and he wanted to take me to …