Relax Babe

I need to focus. My purpose is to get nurses healthy the same way I begged to no be addicted to the alcohol, the high of achieving, and now the comfort of another. It's fear of unknown happiness, when I am happy now. I am where I need to be. I am pursuing my purpose. That is cause for celebration and I am so proud. Yoga calms me because it reminds me that I am not alone, though I choose to celebrate the Universe and not some god. Their god aligns more with my purpose, but the highness of the Universe that karma and personal wealth comes from loving others and alleviating suffering however you strengths pull you. I became a nurse and now the certification and degrees with help push my alleviation further. Though yoga would teach me that the ghost within me, each atom of my soul can become the healer, I do not have the knowledge yet. I must pursue this knowledge, I must pursue this chatter in my mind, I must put to rest my fears. Everything that woul

I was precepted in the OR as a circulator and a scrub for nine months. It was pretty grueling as far as training goes, every day was a new person, new surgery, new growth. As far as life goes, it was nice. Monday-Friday, 7/3, I learned how to meal prep and work out after work. The training was separated by the surgery service, and I spent a few weeks in other services before heading to urology. Excited or not for the service, I was excited for the bigger cases I would see that day. I love cases where you’re elbow deep in guts. I digress. By the time the patient was prepped and the surgeons were scrubbing in, I was exhausted. I couldn’t wait to sit down and chart, I could barely remember what we had to in order to chart! When the surgeons came in, hands dripping and elbows swaying, one younger one sighed. We looked up, I didn’t know what was wrong. My heart dropped, worried that something was wrong with the patient. He sighed, looked down, and asked

I spent the day with paid OR leaders. It was interesting, they wanted to advocate for the youth without providing us the necessary tools – give us something we can afford, on a day we can go, and tell us we can bring change back. That’s what I thought at least, 3 years ago when I started going to every single event AORN put on. The second I realized they wouldn’t kick me out of the Leadership Seminar just because I was only a staff nurse, I was in there like white on rice. No joke. Sitting next to a CNO or a VP in a room filled with doctorates? It makes you step your game up. I hope forever more, I am always the weakest link. Because that means I have something else to strive for, to become, to be better. So while if you know me, you know I’m itching with anticipation and I cannot wait to be “done,” I am 100% fully cognitively aware that the second that I’m “done” I will find another pursuit. I’ve already done it a thousand times. I

Be present. There are so many reasons to lose the multitasking ways you thought were getting you ahead. The biggest reason is the unhappiness that comes from being elsewhere. I realize, as the die-hard lover of all things MULTI that this might sound like an insult. A hypocrite telling you what to do while not practicing the motions herself. I am trying. I find that once I lose myself to the room and gain more connections with others, a lot of negative emotions lose hold. And I’m free. And in the moments that follow, I am more happy to attend to those things that I was putting aside. Case one: I check emails during cases when the work is done, but the surgery is still going. I see that a peer has emailed back revisions. I scroll by. The next moment, the phone rings about another patient waiting for a prescription to go home. That is definitely more important. And I am not worried about my emails and things I cannot change in this mom

The come down, the calm up, the meditation zone. Today was my first real day off. I started at 0430, jumping on the scale. I’ve got a new scale now, that aligns with my goal of being physically fit. It tracks my body fat percentage, not just my weight. This may seem silly, and truth be told, I couldn’t care less about the number. But the number is objective and steadfast. Whatever I feel about my physical appearance, the scale will give me a number to associate with. I need that. It’s been almost 2 years since I had someone tracking me consistently. I held onto the 10 pounds I gained on vacation for a year, but when I started my PhD program self efficacy ran out the door. I needed to stay awake and burn daylight. I needed to work. I worked so hard. I went backwards. So now I have a scale and an account-a-buddy. She does much more than hold me accountable, but that’s what I really need her for. She tracks my weight and my macros and will make ch