Why Fear?

It took me 3 days to finish The Good Girls Revolt: How the Women of Newsweek Sued their Bosses and Changed the Workplace by Lynn Povich.

Actually, it took much longer than that, but once I get to a good spot, I stay up all night, eyes drooping, until I can no longer read, and I am anxious to pick up the book the next morning.

So I started the book last week while I was procrastinating something else, and I finished the book just recently after spending hours last night flabbergasted that I had not already read this amazing book.

For sure, I skipped a lot of the names and dates and who, what, where, when, but the why - that's the important part.

Equality is not free. Half of the women who revolted lost marriages, if they were ever married, and I feel as though, whether or not this is a psychotic effect of my current obsessions, it is my duty to obtain a PhD quickly and change the face of nursing practice.

I find it difficult to put into words what I am trying to say. But in so much as, I constantly fear not putting a relationship first, and what will become of the nursing practice if I allow myself to be selfish and put a relationship first.

Don't get me wrong. There are a few nights were I go to sleep so passionate about my career, education, and life choices that I sleep like a baby and wake up absolutely rejuvenated.

But there are some nights where the loneliness actually hurts so badly that if I don't end up crying, I wake up with a horrible headache like I did cry.

But I am free to make the choice. And my choice is always this burning desire to do more.

So I will.

I hope if you find the time, you consider reading about how women fought for equality and pushed for change, and how we still need equality and change. It is not over. But sacrifices will have to be made. And whatever you do, do not stop learning.