Fresh Start Monday

One of the most important things I have learned in the last 2 years is that restarting cannot be attached to a person, place, or thing, because those things are not constant. So I titled this fresh start, but truly the fresh start happened a couple weeks ago when I realized that I was beginning to get unhappy with my inability to stay on track. I always came up with an excuse like, "I'm living for now," but the truth is that I lost my motivation for greater things.
So how did I get the motivation back? Unhappiness. Unfortunately it is not a disease nor can people around you tell you that you are unhappy. You have to be available to yourself and comprehend your emotions well enough to understand that unhappiness can be fixed - but you are the only one with the prescription.
When I said no to the cake I knew I was back. My father's cake on special occasions was my last sugar craving. (Tortilla chips were the last carb craving, lost that after about 8 months at the peak of my motivation when my craving for abs was stronger than anything else I have ever known). It took 2 days of building the resistance - I knew there would be cake, I knew I did not want to eat the cake, my parents made a different flavor (I crave chocolate but can bypass spice pretty easily), and I brought myself a bar that I could eat first. I did not mentally or verbalize that if I still wanted the cake after all that - I would not stop myself. But I drowned in water and filled up with salad, ate my bar when my first craving came... And boom! The night was a success, not a failure, and I was HAPPY.
More than happy, proud I gave myself the chance to prove myself to myself. My parents do not care, my brother does not care, my grandparents do not care. It is only me, and my dedication to self-love, that I was able to make myself proud and achieve my goal, which makes me happy.
A self-proclaimed achievement-focused person, I only feel loved and worthwhile if I am achieving. Sounds awful? It can be. But I have learned how to create a world for myself where my weakness can be played into a strength. I feel like that is a very strong leadership trait successful people have - work, work, work, until you are no longer defined by your weaknesses, but by your strengths.
Today is a reminder that I have everything I need within me. It is also a reminder that I am too busy and if I want to focus on body building than something will have to give. Which is why I am adding blogging, do you understand my personality yet? :)

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