Do You Love Yourself?


One thing people are always surprised to learn is that I train after work. Or before work. Or before trips. Or before dinners. I don’t really care what I have to look like before or after. Since I stopped drinking, the worry of others’ acceptance of my lifestyle has changed drastically. Now I care about how I feel. And while I sometimes care a lot about my hair, make up, and potential smell, I mostly care about my mental capacity. I am not arguing for killing yourself, just yesterday I prioritized meal prep and sleep over the gym. But I am arguing for knowing yourself and giving your mind and body what they need. A majority of the time, you don’t need x, y, and z, you only want it. And when you get it, how do you feel afterwards?

This is a practice on mindfulness and self-awareness. I am sad that I did not work out, and I know yoga tonight and my trainer tomorrow might absolutely kill me. But I also know that if I did not get the right food and a little more sleep, I would not even show up for yoga and probably throw up after 5 minutes with my trainer. I know me, I know what makes me happy, and I know what I need long-term.

So when people are surprised I train after being up for 14 hours and knowing I will wake up in less than 10 hours the next day for another 12, I do not really blame them. I blame society teaching us that we are entitled to illegitimate forms of decompression. Have you ever stayed awake after watching TV and wondered why you could not fall asleep after being so tired during the day?

Try physically exhausting yourself, as much as you drain your brain. You will sleep like a baby.

And you might even enjoy waking up.

What a concept.

What I am trying to get across is the concept of self-worth. I know that you think you deserve the cookie and the TV and to turn off and away from your stressors. But those are temporary and never solve the problem. What is stressing you out? Why are you stressed out about it? What can you do, besides ignore it, to help yourself?

Why do you not believe that you are worth less stress?

Because it is a badge of honor? Look how much stress I have, you do not have near as much as I do, I am getting so much done with so much less.

I know it because I lived it.

Look at how much I can work and still play, still drink, still get things done. But are you happy? Are you fully satisfied with life? Have you ever considered that there could be more?

It is not always training that brings me joy, although watching myself grow and develop as a person, both mentally and physically, is intoxicating now. But having the self-discipline to train and eat well is a manifestation of self-love that absolutely brings me joy.

You can and you will, if you want to and if you can put your future self before the wants of your past or present self. So tell me truly, do you love yourself enough?

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